Saturday, September 1, 2012

Being Older is Weirder than Expected

and I expected it to be pretty damn weird. 

The problem with what we *think* "adult life" is going to be like when we're 11 is that we're 11 and, therefore, completely retarded and hilariously ill equipped to even fathom the future. When I was younger, I was fat and not so cute. Well, elementary school years were ugly I was the cutest goddamn baby/toddler ever, but that is neither here nor there. Anyway, I was fat and not cute and I talked pretty much just how I talk now but with less swearing. So, I always assumed people would always call me fat. As in, ALWAYS. My tiny child brain thought that adults seriously go around calling each other rude names right to each other's faces like all the kids in my class did. I was thinking today (and I always feel like I should justify where my thoughts come from, but honestly they're just buzzing around in there and one will occasionally stop long enough for me to consider it) that I wouldn't even know what to do or how to react if someone started an argument with me and said something like "Well, you're fat!" I mean, I honestly cannot even fathom that scenario. I know that adults are mean (rarely meaner than middle school-ers,  but I digest (intentional digest/digress)), but my brain cannot comprehend that scenario without laughing at the type of immaturity that would manifest a comment like that.

Other things I assumed to be true:

     "Driving will be awesome always. I will never tire of driving by myself even if I'm just getting sent to the store." False. I hate getting sent to the store. 

     "Grown people aren't ashamed to be your friend." False. Sometimes you'll spend all your time with a person and one day it will dawn on you that you never go in public together, you don't know any of their people, and they're constantly scanning for better plans on the horizon. 

     "Your best friend is your best friend always and nothing stupid like boys will make you not be friends." Hahahaha. I know you've all heard some The Pretty One drama kinda consistently and I'm sure it's losing it's luster, but just going to once again state that, though I love her, she is a royal bitch almost always. Especially in situations where menfolk might be involved. 

I'm not sure what got me started on all this reflection. All I know is that I thought life went one way and it turns out that I was pretty much wrong on every assumption. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that I was wrong about most things because I think my existence is pretty rad, but 11 year old Bri definitely thought 22 year old Bri was going to be a lot of things she's not; like graduated from college, working a real job, having someone love her (11 year old Bri could not think of a better scenario than someone loving her fat self, 22 year old Bri loves her though so I think she's fulfilled (just gave myself diabeetus with that one. bleck)), looking put together. Also, she hoped we'd have money. Silly girl.

On another note, all y'all should listen to my radio show, Go Peeve Yourself, on Wednesdays @ 11am on it's basically just a bitch fest to get all our little pet peeves out so we don't go all Hulk on the terrible people we meet in our daily interactions. Also, like the show on Facebook because that's how love works nowadays and tell me your stories of terrible people: