Me: OMG! I have to tell you
Me: I killed a roach today in my bathroom…BY MYSELF
(begin heaping of praise)
Semen: did you really?!
I don’t believe you
Me: I did!
Semen: you hired a team of assassins to take it out most likely
Me: I went pee and as I was washing my hands I caught sight of it on the wall, shrieked and fled
I finished rinsing my hands at the kitchen sink
Semen: lawl you’re so funny
Me: then I realized id left the water running! so I went in and shut it off and assessed the roach's position then I closed the door, making sure to barricade the crack at the bottom with a towel and went and put my sneakers on, and grabbed another sneaker for roach crushing. I went back in the bathroom and repeatedly hit the wall with my shoe, yelping like a retard each time it made contact. Then I had a stroke of genius and went to look for roach spray. Found some under the sink, sprayed half the can on the roach, sprayed a little more on its carcass (to prevent any zombification) and VICTORY! I killed a roach myself
Semen: I can picture this
Me: I know you can! That’s why I had to tell you ’cause you know me so damn well
Semen: do you think that maybe the half of a can was a bit excessive?
Me: I don't understand the question
the roach was alive, now it is dead BY MY HAND
I fucking win!
That's the epic roach story! I felt fucking invincible after the fact, and then couldn't fall asleep thinking about where the hell they keep coming from and then reassuring myself that "it's not a big deal, this is only the second one (you've SEEN) and the first one was when DH was still hanging around, so you're probably OK." Disclaimer: I know from my time spent on message boards that DH is an accepted abbreviation meaning 'Dear Husband' on this blog it means 'Dick Head' and is the name my illustrious mother attributed to the last man-boy I had hanging around.
Yes, I said 'OMG' I'm really fucking lame, OK? Anyway, just in case you don't know TheSemen and I's relationship, that was totally a sarcastic 'you're so funny.' By 'funny,' he usually means 'should be institutionalized' so no worries, people who have known me for years don't think I'm funny either.
Also, I know it looks like I asked a chimp to format this for me, but it was just me and blogger hates me, so this is what it looks like. I know, it makes my OCD act up too.