I am in the throes of the longest night of my entire life. I'm not sure why it's like this, but Father Time is giving us the middle finger tonight. The hotel is incredibly slow and I'm the only scheduled desk clerk (or Guest Service Representative if you're feeling fancy) so I get to stick it out till 11 no matter how much I'd like to gouge my eyes out of my face.
I was gonna wait till I got home tonight and do a response post for the TWO (AHH!) blog awards I've gotten from some super awesome people, but then I decided I was gonna use my next two days off to watch all the Harry Potter movies (because I am a large dorkus). I know when I get home I will be too busy hunkering down to actually make a meaningful contribution to the internet (when has that ever stopped anyone, right?). So, instead, y'all get to feel like you're experiencing this hellish evening with me! YAY! Anyone? Fine, I don't need yous guys to party.
Please excuse the atrocious punctuation and syntax in this post; I am in danger of dying from boredom. The funny part is that I usually do things that other people would consider boring all day, every day of my life. It takes a lot to bore me, but I'm going stir crazy! Let's share awkward work stories and in the morning I'll make waffles! (Probably I'll just hand you a box of Rice Chex (See?? Even the cereal I eat is boring!) and then break it to you that I don't have milk.)
This one didn't happen to me, but it happened to my coworker while I was standing right next to her. Some backstory: Mark the Cab Driver (how he refers to himself, always) is a (guess what?!) cab driver in the area and he likes to drop in here at night and use the lobby computers. It used to be because he had the hots for the old night auditor; now he seems a little lost. MtheCD is also running for city commission.
Tonight he called the hotel and asked to speak to my coworker Corona (not actually her name (I hate that people are so fucked up with naming children that I feel the need to clear that up)). When she got on the phone we could (obviously) only hear her side of the conversation which went something like "Oh, hi...I'm good……….How are you?...............................................Well, actually I work nights.............Thanks for the invitation though!(she is incredibly too sweet and nice for her own good)" [side note: I was jumping up and down mouthing WHAT over and over again at this point.]
So, after she got off the phone we got the story: MtheCD had asked Corona to go to a "gala" with him for "a night of drinks and conversation." In case this isn't enough WTF for you, let me tell you that Corona is 23, tall, and pretty; MtheCD is (if I had to guess) early forties, thick-ass glasses, and porn 'stashe. I mean, for serious, dude? It made Corona feel nauseous, but it made me laugh REALLY HARD and, let's face it, that's all that really matters.
I'm not trying to insult y'all or anything by breaking up the text blocks, I just don't want anyone to look at my blog like tl;dr when you see a huge blocks of text; I made it more pleasing to short attention spans you're welcome.
Also, PLEASE someone e-mail me with an idea for Things They Need to Hear Thursday!!! I'll be your bestest internet friend; I promise I am the winningest friend ever. Ask The Pretty One, this weekend I literally made someone have sex with her (I know you're thinking I used literally wrong over there, but no I actually put someone's p in her v with my own hands. I like to think Gabs would understand the type of weeked that facilitates that type of behavior) Bri = Best. Friend. Ever
Email ideas to riflebabe143 [at] yahoo [dot] com (I believe you're smart enough to know how e-mail addresses work, I just wanted to be pretentious for a hot second)