Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Notes From a Judgmental Observer

Dear Short Guy Walking Down 13th Street,

You're probably self conscious about your height, I mean, I am and I've probably got a good 3 or 4 inches on you. You know what you shouldn't do? Wear your 'shorts' to your ankles and your shirt past your ass. You look like you're 6 playing dress-up in big brother's clothes. You aren't Peter Dinklage; you cannot pull off the dwarf thing.


Dear Spanish Speaking Ladies in the Shuttle Van,

Why are you shouting? Are you mocking the English speakers who talk LOUDER and s l o w e r once they learn someone speaks a different language? Because I agree that that is irritating, but I wasn't trying to communicate with you. I was just driving you to the airport and you made my ears ring.



Dear People who Spray Perfume in a Full Car,

Fuck you.


Dear Radio Station 103.7,

You guys suck. I know your claim to fame is that you play coverage of all Gator sporting events, but interrupting the Sunday countdown right when they're about to play the number one song is a dick move. Everyone could have missed the first 4 minutes of sports casters talking about college baseball. Everyone knows college sports are inferior. Stop being douches.

me and the other 10 people in the whole world who enjoy the Sunday morning countdowns

As an added bonus, in case you aren't living life to the fullest, a picture of Peter Dinklage (I love him, go watch him in Game of Thrones and Nip/Tuck):

Totes pulling it off; take notes guy on 13th street.


  1. I have to agree with you about the Spanish speaking ladies. I am Mexican, and what I remember most about my relatives when I was growing up is the shouting.

  2. I'm adding more +1 to the loud Spanish ladies thing. Sunday dinners usually have me coming into the kitchen and shouting, "WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!" a couple of times. The answer is usually, "WE AREN'T SHOUTING WE ARE TALKING NORMAL."