Saturday, November 5, 2011

Things They Need to Hear Thursday: Confused Girls Edition

OK, so it's not Thursday. But just humor me because I like alliteration and I'm gonna do this weekly,
so deal. Every Thursday we're going to tell someone (or a group of people) something they need to hear, but maybe don't want to hear. It might be nice, mean, sad, or snarky (probably this one the most). So, without further ado,  Things They Need to Hear Thursday:

Dear Confused Girls of Florida,

You may have noticed that it is getting chillier outside. You were probably excited that you get to break out the Ugg boots, scarves, and the puffy, fur trimmed coats; I don't blame you, they're cute accessories. Now, I'm sure you're thinking when you're outside at night "Man, I've done everything right; I'm wearing my snow boots, my cute scarf, and my parka. Why am I still freezing?!" Well, I'm gonna help you out with this...PUT ON SOME PANTS! You're wearing all the aforementioned cold weather wear and fucking hot pants. If you wanna put your vagina out with a For Sale sign on it, then by all means, go ahead. But no bitching about being cold because you believe you can't find someone to bone while wearing pants; I assure you that the menfolk have no qualms about removing your jeans as opposed to your hot pants. 

Happy Winter Boning, y'all!

xo, Bri


This has legit been bothering the hell out of me. It's as if they actually have no idea why they're still cold with their winter clothes on even though you can't even tell they're wearing pants with the puffy jacket nonsense. Put on some pants, bitches. I think it bothers me even more because you can tell they're uncomfortably cold, but they still venture out half clothed for the viewing pleasure of people with penises. Can this please stop? Can we all stop sacrificing our own comfort for the attention of someone else? I'll wear paint splattered jeans and an ugly jacket; if someone who thinks they're god's gift to the world doesn't want in on that because they can't check out my vajay from 25 ft then so be it. I'm warm = I win.

Sorry that got heavy there for a hot second. So, we're doing this. Jump on the bandwagon and let's tell people some shit they need to hear!


  1. lmao omg it's soooo freakin true! I can't stand seeing this either! hahaha. love it!

  2. Dude so true, you speak the truth woman.

  3. I stalked you here from Noa's blog. Your title intrigued me, and I wasn't disappointed.

    Except for the part about Ugg boots. They are truly terrible. If you're cold, wear a pair of SOCKS, Frosty the Snow Whore! And every guy I've ever met hates those things, along with pointy toed shoes.

  4. Thanks for backing me up on this, y'all!

    @Mandi: A million thanks for the phrase "Frosty the Snow Whore." You just made my winter.

  5. Shit, no mercy. I like it!

    Maybe I can ask you to write a guest "things they need to hear thursday" post for my blog??