Stop having sex. There's plenty of time and I guarantee you aren't emotionally ready to understand what's going on, nor are you physically ready to appreciate what's going on. Get some Barbies, make them be naked together, and ask your parents awkward questions; no one should be touching your goodies at this point except you.
A Woman you are Aging Prematurely by Being Sexually Active
I don't know why I do it. I always look at stuff I know is gonna rile me up. This time it's actually the fault of one of the 50 blogs I read; this blog post mentioned an article on AskMen.com entitled "Top 10 Subtle Ways to Tell Her She's Getting Fat" so obviously I had to go read it even though I knew it would make my HulkRage act up.
This website is so alternately depressing and rage inducing. It makes me question everything I thought I had learned about human relationships and what I've been aiming for in finding one of my own. It brings up scary questions like 'Does anyone actually like anyone else?' Is everyone just looking to score the hottest piece of ass they can? I'm already a paranoid and suspicious being; I really don't need this added bullshit to make me even MORE paranoid and suspicious. Some "highlights" of this barrel of shenanigans:
#2: Buy her clothes that are too small
If you buy her clothes that are obviously too small for her, not only will she finally have to admit that she’s putting on weight, but she can easily return them for her correct size. First, she’ll have to reveal to you that the clothes are too small. “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it.
A. Don't buy me clothes ever. You have bad taste; that's why I pick out YOUR clothes. B. Fuck off.
#7: Playfully grab her love handles
Ask any man and he’ll tell you that he instinctively flexes his biceps whenever a woman touches them. The same thing goes for a woman when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage. Even if she thinks that you’re too busy at work to have noticed a few extra pounds, if you continually rest your hand on her love handles (or even lightly pinch them), she’ll soon realize that you’re becoming increasingly aware of something that never used to be there before.
A. This is psychotic. Might as well gift wrap that eating disorder, asshole. B. Fuck Off.
#3: Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief"
This works particularly well if your girlfriend still hasn’t worked out the link between an active lifestyle and emotional well-being. Tell her you have found exactly what she needs to help her relax, a regular spiritual cleanse in the form of a yoga class. Make sure you choose an intense, calorie-burning form (power yoga or ashtanga yoga), otherwise she may end up rolling around on the floor a couple times a week with no real benefits. The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.
A. If all your girlfriend is to you is a "grumpy lard-ass" in between being 2 wet holes, why do you have a girlfriend? B. Fuck Off. C. I love that the advice is to ACT like you're doing something nice for her when, in actuality, you're still being a shallow dick. D. Fuck Off.
#5: Serve her unsatisfactory portions
When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it. If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.
A. JESUS EVERFUCKING CHRIST! THERE IS NO BULLETED LIST FOR THIS. THIS IS THE MOST DEPRAVED FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER READ BEING PASSED OFF AS A REAL OPTION. 'SHAMING HER' HOLY SHIT BALLS. WHYWHYWHY?? AND THEN THEY GET TO GO BACK WHEN SHE ISN'T LOOKING?! BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE STATURE OF A GOD AND SHE'S PUT ON WEIGHT SO NOW YOU GET TO DISCUSS 'WHAT SHE'S GOING TO DO ABOUT IT'?? HER ONLY APPROPRIATE COURSE OF ACTION IS TO CASTRATE HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS. B. Fuck Off. C. Die in ALL THE FIRES.
On the off chance that a "man"(of the type that would actually do those things) stumbles upon this: yes, I am a fat chick. Yes, I could be prettier. Now that I've nipped your typical responses in the bud, back to what I was saying.
Is this not frightening to anyone else? People are always saying that feminists need to STFU because everything is fine. This right here is NOT fine. Not by a long shot. This is how some people actually think of women and the standards they should be held to in terms of looks. That means the work is not done. /rant